When I cried in my dreams.

Well I got to know this today morning. I could remember in bits and pieces though. People cry when they are overwhelmed with the sense of joy ,fulfilment or any positive aspect of life but most of the time people cry when they are down and out or they cannot find a way out of their eternal problem(Few people though) and few people cry because they like their present state so much so that they donot want to come out of it. But I cried in my dreams. I am totally confused about crying that too in dream. But there must be something which I am not able to understand since I cried in my dream.


These days I have started learning guitar. Initially I was aloof of the right chord or keys and the sound was strange. I was irritated but I did not give up and now the sounds are better than before. I am trying to revive it after 16 year of hiatus and I am happy about it so I put more efforts into it because it reciprocates to my effort. Also when I am happy and play guitar than it emanates heavenly sound. I think it has started feeling my fingers. I wonder about guitar, which is lifeless but still reciprocates in such a great way (Music is my first love) but I met a person couple of months ago whom I owe everything because that person gave me second life and I do feel better than ever before but that person seldom reciprocates or express which makes me quite restless at times . I try to make that person realise about the power of expression but I cannot see any change .I feel sad and agitated sometimes . I even conclude that there must be something which I lack so I fail to make that person understand.


I have seen the crest and trough of relationship (Symbiotic mostly) but I am experiencing (asymbiotic though) this kind of passive resistance for the first time where I am trying very hard to make that person understand that one need to feel first and than he has to express himself. Without feeling or expression it becomes impossible to understand any person. I think that I am not unreasonable with that person (I hope not) or have I started expecting a lot from that person? I always remain in catch twenty two situation. I try to get that person out from all problems but that person does not want to come out of it. More over that person doesnot express or reciprocate . My condition worsens from here. I feel helpless and it kills me every time when there is no reaction from other side. I sometimes compare that person with life less guitar which reciprocates atleast but this lingering silence of that person makes me cry every time. I donot know how much time will it take to make that person understand that one should not generalise everything. Hands are needed to be stretched to feel the beautiful or not so beautiful things around. I think rather I am sure that I cried last night for that person’s indifference. I feel bad but I have no option and even If I would have than also I am not going to change. At the end of the day I owe second inning of my life to that person. Some day that person would finally know what I feel.