If you are on a road to nowhere .Find another road.

I feel same here these days in Japan. Let’s say for more than one years . I start a new sojourn every time but something or the other happens and I get confused every time and somehow I have to change my track.
Well It happens in almost everything except friendship—Somehow it’s not included or it does not happen in this relationship. Thank God I value friendship as one of the most wonderful things ever got to this world (well this is total personal thinking). I think I am not at ease when something happens with any of my friend. Well I have such a great list of friends that I also forget them some times . But somewhere in my subconscious I realize it. Well these things would seem fake to more tha n ninety five percent of people related to me. Well I won’t give any justification/clarification but it’s something like this. If you don’t believe then leave me. Because I can’t justify all the things which happens around me because I am not the root cause for it. I have started thinking this way quite recently because I am really devastated . Well I wonder whether my addiction towards alcohol was all the culprit. I really don’t know but I feel incomplete. I really don’t know the reason.Also feel because of addiction sometimes though.
I was not at all like this before. I think I have changed a lot rather I have become insecured. Here in Japan also nothing is going perfect regarding the project and I feel so negative that I really wonder whether This is the real Sam which I knew him. Every time I ‘m trying to find something new after strings of failure and this time also failure is almost inevitable. So let’s put my brave heart because my concern and my tension won’t help me in any way as I am just a coolie(I.T coolie…..If you manager doesnot reply to your mail than its not your problem,Better tell this to Japanese I.T staffs).Anyways Let’s hope for the best. Be happy and merry making always.
Sometimes I feel that Seriousness doesn’t suit me in any sense and these days I m trying to be like that. Fuck off everything and be yourself. It’s enough now. I’ m sick of maintaining the useless equilibrium.
Things have changed rather turned other way round. I am being deceived. I am being cheated by everybody almost everybody. Who the hell I’m going to believe now. Tell me not even you(!!). So what’s this bloody game. Be clear and start a new life and come out of it. You want to make it or break it and this is the high time. God have almost given you everything and what else you want. Fuck off everything …………Fuck of all the bloody things and persons which make you cry………Are you not a man…..Or are you something else. You have cried almost ages………need you cry some more…………..Centuries and all……..Stop bloody crying…..Just focus on you priority….Every body does it………….
So you accept it and make a new start in life. Don’t feel screwed up. Take a bloody screwed up lesson.
That’s it. Alright. Huh. I am bloody tired and I want some Martiini.
Good night Friends(5%)